Posts Tagged ‘Get over it’

How many times has someone said to you, “Why can’t you get over it?”  Or perhaps it’s something you say to yourself.  A lot.

I was asked that question by others, and myself, for years.  And still I couldn’t get over “it.”  The “it” in question doesn’t really matter.  What matters is how unproductive the question is.  There is always the implication that there is something wrong with you and that it’s not a big deal.  In fact, if you can’t get over something that means it is a big deal!  No matter how easy or logical it seems it would be to get over or let go of certain things, sometimes we can’t.

The trick is to take the fact that you are stuck very seriously and not discount it.  You can’t get over something if you’re still wrestling with it.   There was a time I didn’t think I’d ever get over the “it” in my life.   I started to believe I would have to live hold onto it and feel it forever, but then I also started to take the pain seriously that I had been though.  And I did get over it.  In some ways I think I couldn’t get over it until I accepted that I couldn’t get over it.

What do you tell yourself to get over?  What do others tell you to get over?

I picked up an Eckhart Tolle book, A New Earth, that I have been reading very very slowly and sporadically.  It’s extremely dense and if I’m not in just the right mood, I can’t wrap my mind around anything he’s saying.  But today I thought I’d try again.  At first it felt like a slog, but then I decided to just open to a random page and see what was there.  The section heading, The Duck with a Human Mind caught my eye.  I thought I could handle that.

And I could.  Tolle explains the idea of moving on or being in the moment incredibly succinctly by describing what ducks do after a fight; they separate and float off in opposite directions.

Then each duck will flap its wings vigorously a few times, thus releasing the surplus energy that built up during the fight.  After they flap their wings, they float on peacefully, as if nothing had ever happened.

In my mind’s eye, I can see that excess energy getting pushed out, and I get a sensation of relief.  Tolle then goes on to explain how a duck with a human mind would keep the encounter alive by thinking about it, going over it, expecting the next encounter and so on and so on.  Even though the physical fight would be over, the mind would keep the battle alive and the duck would have physical responses (like stress, anger, dread) to those thoughts.

Reading that made me so badly want to be able to flap my wings and move on!   All the thinking can be so exhausting.  I can’t even imagine being able to let go so completely, but it is very appealing.  I know I’ll no sooner start quacking than I will be able to glide away to the opposite side of the pond in a state of peace after a conflict.  But I can remind myself of that duck.  And I can imagine flapping my proverbial wings and moving on.  And that’s a first step.